Monday

DNE THIS, Federal Government Agency!

Oh this f'ing annoys me. I just want to turn left against traffic into the post office at this very busy intersection - 11th and Yale, and they have the gall to put this bloody Do Not Enter sign up!


Well nobody tells me what to do, the Federal Government can DNE this! I drove right through it twice today, and once that weird asshole in the Green Rover I see a lot honked to say "HI!" but with his middle finger!
How ho-ho-holiday ru-ru-rude!
I mean, he almost hit me while I was just minding my own personal space and desires. Well screw him anyway. And you too. The holidays have just ruined my happy mood.

Stay tuned for next year, I will re-medicate and be in a better mood.
Bye Bye!

Friday

My Holiday Gift to You

Hi everybody!! I wrote this little tune all by myself just for you! You can memorize and hum it to yourself when you are not on the phone!

This road is my road
It is not your road
I just mind my space
Get out of my SUV's way
From the Baytown refineries
To Katy Mills
This road is my road
[repeat as needed until...]
I gotta go, phone's ringing

Wednesday

driving after xmas

It's hard to drive in Houston after Xmas when you have idiots in the way.


OMG!! DANGER TRAIN!!

Hi everybody! Hee Hee!

I have been really busy driving all around over the long weekend, did you drive safely? Did you pay attention to your personal space? Did you make sure your drinks were super sized?

Anyway, I thought I would show you something extra scary about how driving is hard. I find driving inside the 610 Loop hard - all those potholes and bohemians! And I never drive downtown! Why? Well, it's hard! There are these silver train things for the poor people to ride, which confuses me. Why is Amtrak running through downtown? Anyway, here is a video about how these meany trains hunt down poor defenseless drivers like us just minding our our own space and mash up our cars!!



For more information about these Danger Trains, be sure to visit Blog Houston!! They always have something to say about them!!

But most importantly, be careful out there! Don't drive downtown!! Don't enter the 610 loop!!

towing and holiday tips

Hee hee! Hi everybody!!

Here's me the other day with my laundry bag! I could not fit it anywhere in the car, so decided instead to tow it. Thank God for my big brutish, powerful late-model Honda Accord!

Hey today is a busy busy busy driving day, the day before Thanksgiving! BE CAREFUL out there, because Driving is Hard!

Now here are some tips for your travels this Holiday weekend:


--> Stay focused on your personal space.

--> Make sure you have all your important driving tools:

  1. Cell phone
  2. Smokes
  3. Super Biggie Size Drink
  4. Headphones
  5. Mascara

--> Zoom Zoom! Make sure there is no space that a car could fit in that you do not occupy first!

Happy driving!!

Saturday

zooom zooom!

Hi!!! I have missed you all! But I have been very busy doing my Christmas Shopping! And all those glittery things make it hard for me to focus on my personal space and navigate those pesky parking lots!


A few days ago, this asshole (excuse my French! Oi MOIS!) in a green old-body Land Rover Discovery (isn't it great how I know all these car models! you ARE what you drive!!) nearly hit me as I was zoooming zooooming accross those nifty white stripes! I was focused on going straight where I wanted to go and my personal space (remember what a safe driver I am!); I don't know what the F he was doing. But he did honk his horn to say "Sorry! Have a great day!", so I honked back with a "You too!".

See, people are so nice to their fellow man this holiday time of year!

Wednesday

The View

Hi Everybody! I thought I post picture of what I see when I am driving!


Saturday

Flashing light on my dash

I am hoping that somebody can help me with this, because driving is hard!!

The other day, there was a flashing light on my dashboard. It stayed on for like a long time. I think it may have been on for about 10 miles, but then it went away. It was a green arrow pointing to the left.

Any ideas? Could it be serious? Do you think I should take it to the dealer? Thank you so much!

OMG I have been SO tired!!

I am SO sorry to all my new fans! I have been so tired from driving to and from work, because driving is hard!

But here is a new tip for you! In fact, two!

1. When you are getting into heavy bumper-to-bumper slow traffic (I think they call it merging, but I don't know what that means, and it sounds kind of sexual), make sure you zoom up as far as possible to make sure you get ahead of everybody you can! Don't worry if there is enough room or a spot for you, because I don't! (Remember, I am a careful driver and focus on my personal space.) People are so nice that somebody will make room for you.

2. After you have achieved #1, make sure you exit at the next opportunity, zoom up the frontage road, and then reenter the freeway!! You get ahead of all those bad drivers! Repeat #1!

People are so nice!

Today when I parked at work, this nice man came up to me and told me that my break lights are out. I was not sure what he meant, but he was pointing at the back of my car. Well, I just said "Thank you so much!". That was so nice of him, but I don't mind because whatever they are I guess they are on the back of my car, and I cannot see them there.

Weird, huh?

please, have a seat!

Come sit on the couch with me. I am going to tell you all about some of my daily driving experiences here in Houston. I am a very careful driver, because driving is hard! I always pay strict attention to my personal space, and try not to get distracted about what is going on around me.

But sometimes, well, I am not so good at not getting distracted. Like yesterday, when somebody honked their horn while I was changing lanes! I mean, I really like it when people are friendly and say hi "Hi!! Have a great day!!" with their horn, but I lost track of my phone conversation. See, sometimes, driving is hard!!